..well actually there is no secret, we’ve all been duped!
If you think you can have it all you are kidding yourself and even once you do have all the things you’ve always wanted then what?
Perhaps you’ve always dreamed of owning your own home, getting married, travelling, starting a family, landing your ‘dream job’ ..busy, always busy working towards and trying to achieve lots of big things. What happens once you’ve essentially ticked that box?
Not feeling contented? Feeling underwhelmed? Maybe you feel lost or find all the plate spinning too much?
The reality is that you can’t be 100% in every area of your life all of the time. If you spread yourself too thinly, exhausting yourself in the process then is it even worth doing?
Having a fantastic career and flourishing family with no sacrifice is a myth, the only way to gain some sort of balance is blending things and asking for help. I work part time but that doesn’t mean I’m part ambitious, I work fewer days so get paid less and on my ‘non working’ days I’m still working and being a mum, which is very underpaid and has no fixed hours or holidays!
The rule is that I try to have a top 5 of things that are really important now, they change every few weeks or months depending on what’s going on in my life. Sometimes things just fall off the list but that’s ok, this helps me make decisions as to how I spend my time and not feel guilty.
I think this is why some people cannot continue/maintain certain lifestyles because if you want something to stick then it has to just be part of everyday life, not a chore or thing to do on your top 5 list, typically exercising or eating a certain way. The lists we have in our minds can be way too long and un-manageable so just keep it simple – family, work, friends, hobbies, love, saving.. and then try to one thing from each rather then being really broad because ‘family’ can mean children, husband, parents, siblings etc..
Work is a complicated category as things change so frequently but don’t think about all the things all at once, just pick one thing and get it done and move onto the next, keep a list somewhere to keep your mind clear.
For example some weeks family are more important than socialising and seeing friends but other times seeing friends or even just making the effort to call someone becomes higher in the list. Sometimes I just need sleep and rest more than I need to watch 20 hours worth of Nashville I’ve recorded or I’ve not being studying or practising yoga on a regular basis for a few months because I’d rather read a book!
Sorry, not sorry.. I feel liberated just not letting that ‘pressure’ become a burden, which I place on myself anyway. I can always come back to it, I’ve not failed, I’ve just paused things for a while and that’s ok. Reorder the list, take off things and add them.
If you live for having it all, what you have is never enough!